1 00:00:00,680 --> 00:00:02,061 - hot in cleveland Is recorded 2 00:00:02,084 --> 00:00:04,551 In front of A live studio audience. 3 00:00:04,574 --> 00:00:06,306 - your wedding day 4 00:00:06,330 --> 00:00:08,860 Is an occasion Of great joy. 5 00:00:08,883 --> 00:00:11,733 Nothing gives more hope For the future 6 00:00:11,756 --> 00:00:14,605 Than a young bride Walking down the aisle 7 00:00:14,628 --> 00:00:17,064 With the blush of innocence On her cheek, 8 00:00:17,087 --> 00:00:19,297 Joining hands With the groom, 9 00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:21,053 Eager and nervous, 10 00:00:21,076 --> 00:00:24,043 Barely more Than a boy himself. 11 00:00:27,620 --> 00:00:30,980 You know, I'm gonna call A time-out right now. 12 00:00:31,003 --> 00:00:32,959 I realize that you Wanted me to talk to you 13 00:00:32,982 --> 00:00:35,130 Like any young couple About to get married, 14 00:00:35,153 --> 00:00:40,364 But given your... "Life experience," 15 00:00:40,387 --> 00:00:42,311 Maybe we can skip over A few things. 16 00:00:42,333 --> 00:00:45,184 - no, we want you To go completely by the books. 17 00:00:45,206 --> 00:00:47,417 - we want this To feel like the first time. 18 00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:49,396 Please continue. 19 00:00:49,419 --> 00:00:51,311 - okay. Well, the next thing I usually discuss 20 00:00:51,334 --> 00:00:53,131 Is the wedding night. 21 00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:55,833 You know, Family planning and such. 22 00:00:56,984 --> 00:00:58,238 You got Any questions there? 23 00:00:58,260 --> 00:01:02,514 - no. We're good In that area. 24 00:01:02,537 --> 00:01:03,855 - all right, Well, what kind of ceremony 25 00:01:03,878 --> 00:01:05,547 Did you have in mind? 26 00:01:05,569 --> 00:01:07,781 - uh, something simple, Tasteful. 27 00:01:07,804 --> 00:01:08,739 - I had a thought... 28 00:01:08,762 --> 00:01:11,963 - ooh, no, you didn't. No, uh... 29 00:01:11,986 --> 00:01:13,271 I'm gonna give you The advice 30 00:01:13,294 --> 00:01:14,964 I give all grooms 31 00:01:14,986 --> 00:01:17,038 When it comes To wedding planning. 32 00:01:17,060 --> 00:01:19,878 Go limp. 33 00:01:19,901 --> 00:01:22,049 Not one part of this day Is about you. 34 00:01:22,072 --> 00:01:24,219 - all I was trying to say... - okay, see, 35 00:01:24,242 --> 00:01:26,900 There's that word "I" again. 36 00:01:26,923 --> 00:01:29,040 That's gonna cause you Nothing but trouble. 37 00:01:29,063 --> 00:01:32,422 And whatever you do, When speaking to your bride, 38 00:01:32,445 --> 00:01:34,752 Never use the word "Relax" 39 00:01:34,775 --> 00:01:39,221 Or refer to anything as being "Not that big a deal." 40 00:01:39,243 --> 00:01:40,657 - but the music... 41 00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:42,093 - okay. But, you see, fred, 42 00:01:42,116 --> 00:01:43,615 Really, come on now. 43 00:01:45,851 --> 00:01:47,584 You know that Little part of your mind 44 00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:49,434 That makes judgments, 45 00:01:49,457 --> 00:01:51,700 That thinks that, "Oh, this is dumb" 46 00:01:51,723 --> 00:01:53,552 Or "That's unnecessary"? 47 00:01:53,575 --> 00:01:56,169 I want you To turn that off right now. 48 00:01:56,193 --> 00:01:58,148 Just shut your brain down 49 00:01:58,172 --> 00:02:01,021 And do what Your woman says. 50 00:02:01,044 --> 00:02:02,139 And by the way, 51 00:02:02,161 --> 00:02:05,265 That is also my advice For the marriage. 52 00:02:05,289 --> 00:02:08,255 - we picked The right minister. 53 00:02:19,333 --> 00:02:21,258 - oh, I'm so excited! We get to have a wedding! 54 00:02:21,281 --> 00:02:24,131 - well, my favorite wedding Was definitely my third. 55 00:02:24,154 --> 00:02:26,141 - you mean to Your gay husband? 56 00:02:26,163 --> 00:02:28,918 - well, I didn't know he was At the time. 57 00:02:28,941 --> 00:02:30,353 Oh, he just took care Of everything. 58 00:02:30,376 --> 00:02:31,758 He designed the dress, And the cake, 59 00:02:31,782 --> 00:02:34,472 And the flowers, and... 60 00:02:34,495 --> 00:02:36,546 He did my hair and makeup, And he wouldn't rest 61 00:02:36,569 --> 00:02:38,929 Until he found The right pair of heels. 62 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:41,558 - and yet you had no clue 63 00:02:41,581 --> 00:02:43,792 There might be problems In the actual marriage. 64 00:02:43,815 --> 00:02:46,824 - well, what am I? A detective? 65 00:02:46,847 --> 00:02:48,547 No, I mean, I suppose I might've been tipped off 66 00:02:48,570 --> 00:02:50,399 By the fact That his bachelor party 67 00:02:50,422 --> 00:02:53,527 Was just a quiet dinner With his best man. 68 00:02:53,550 --> 00:02:56,718 In san francisco. 69 00:02:56,741 --> 00:03:00,070 For an entire weekend. 70 00:03:00,093 --> 00:03:02,432 - ooh, here's The blushing bride now! 71 00:03:02,454 --> 00:03:03,836 Did you bring us Your wedding album? 72 00:03:03,859 --> 00:03:05,911 - this is it. - what? One picture? 73 00:03:05,934 --> 00:03:09,007 - oh, elka, You're beautiful! 74 00:03:09,030 --> 00:03:10,285 - oh! 75 00:03:10,307 --> 00:03:12,678 - I was miss teen potato. 76 00:03:12,701 --> 00:03:15,008 In poland, That's as good as it gets. 77 00:03:15,031 --> 00:03:17,403 - oh, well, look at That fresh face and that hair. 78 00:03:17,426 --> 00:03:19,476 And, oh, That tiny little waist. 79 00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:21,232 - and I'll say it... Nice rack! 80 00:03:22,309 --> 00:03:23,722 - you look like a teenager. 81 00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:25,413 - I was a teenager. 82 00:03:25,436 --> 00:03:27,328 - oh, and were you a virgin On your wedding night? 83 00:03:27,351 --> 00:03:29,403 - you don't get to be Miss teen potato 84 00:03:29,426 --> 00:03:31,914 Without peeling A few skins. 85 00:03:40,438 --> 00:03:42,011 - well, elka, we have A surprise for you. 86 00:03:42,034 --> 00:03:43,575 As our wedding gift to you, 87 00:03:43,598 --> 00:03:45,618 We would like to plan And pay for everything. 88 00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:46,926 - mm-hmm. - oh, that's not necessary. 89 00:03:46,949 --> 00:03:48,746 I just want Something simple. 90 00:03:48,768 --> 00:03:50,151 - well, we can Totally do simple! 91 00:03:50,173 --> 00:03:52,129 You know, I hear that Under 200 guests 92 00:03:52,152 --> 00:03:54,299 Is very chic right now. - mm-hmm. 93 00:03:54,323 --> 00:03:55,608 - so we could get away With two tents. 94 00:03:55,631 --> 00:03:56,854 - chamber instead of A full orchestra. 95 00:03:56,876 --> 00:03:58,800 - maybe just three horses For the carriage. 96 00:03:58,823 --> 00:04:00,077 - oh, wait. 97 00:04:00,100 --> 00:04:02,790 All I want Are a few close friends 98 00:04:02,813 --> 00:04:05,121 As I exchange vows Before god 99 00:04:05,143 --> 00:04:07,354 With the man I adore. 100 00:04:07,377 --> 00:04:09,418 - well, that's just sad. 101 00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:12,844 - you just need To do some research. 102 00:04:12,867 --> 00:04:14,121 We've got bride magazines, 103 00:04:14,144 --> 00:04:15,717 And there's A ton of wedding shows 104 00:04:15,740 --> 00:04:17,759 You can download. - yeah, you have to make sure 105 00:04:17,783 --> 00:04:19,515 That every detail Is perfect. 106 00:04:19,538 --> 00:04:21,909 Remember, all eyes Will be on you. 107 00:04:21,931 --> 00:04:24,079 - that's true. 108 00:04:24,102 --> 00:04:25,899 This was A long time ago. 109 00:04:26,974 --> 00:04:29,090 - oh, good! It's here. - what is? 110 00:04:29,114 --> 00:04:32,123 - what's going to help us pay For this wedding and more. 111 00:04:32,146 --> 00:04:34,793 - oh, all right. Well, here, start studying. 112 00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:41,698 - thank you. 113 00:04:41,721 --> 00:04:43,964 Okay, you remember When I did that commercial 114 00:04:43,987 --> 00:04:46,040 For mrs. Ladypants? 115 00:04:46,062 --> 00:04:48,688 - oh, yeah, Your diaper pants. 116 00:04:48,711 --> 00:04:51,274 - they weren't diapers. They are activewear slacks. 117 00:04:51,297 --> 00:04:52,423 - that you pee in. 118 00:04:55,861 --> 00:04:57,945 - look, they didn't air any Of those commercials in america, 119 00:04:57,967 --> 00:05:00,301 And they're paying me a bundle To try their newest product. 120 00:05:01,958 --> 00:05:04,009 "Dear chase victoria, 121 00:05:04,032 --> 00:05:06,563 "Million of women Trust mrs. Ladypants, 122 00:05:06,585 --> 00:05:11,318 "Number one For freshness of crotch. 123 00:05:11,342 --> 00:05:13,776 "Now crotch-fresh feelings Can whisper all over 124 00:05:13,799 --> 00:05:17,064 "With mrs. Ladypants For body. 125 00:05:17,087 --> 00:05:18,660 "Feed your garbage daily 126 00:05:18,682 --> 00:05:21,393 With our single-use Freshness jumpsuits." 127 00:05:25,291 --> 00:05:27,150 - so they're Disposable diaper clothes? 128 00:05:27,173 --> 00:05:30,022 - no. They are Experimental prototypes. 129 00:05:30,045 --> 00:05:31,427 I'm supposed to wear them Day and night 130 00:05:31,450 --> 00:05:32,640 For the next week. 131 00:05:32,663 --> 00:05:35,831 Uh, "You will feel So much happy 132 00:05:35,854 --> 00:05:38,088 "You will make water In your clothes. 133 00:05:40,994 --> 00:05:43,142 "No problem For chase victoria, 134 00:05:43,164 --> 00:05:46,652 "The face of incontinence, 135 00:05:46,675 --> 00:05:48,918 And now sweating." 136 00:05:56,824 --> 00:05:59,898 - aah! - joy, get up! Now! 137 00:05:59,921 --> 00:06:02,292 - elka, what is it? - you were right! 138 00:06:02,315 --> 00:06:04,686 My wedding Needs to be big! 139 00:06:04,709 --> 00:06:07,654 You're my wedding planner! 140 00:06:07,678 --> 00:06:08,676 - why me? 141 00:06:08,699 --> 00:06:10,591 - because melanie's Too nice, 142 00:06:10,614 --> 00:06:12,346 And victoria's Too crazy. 143 00:06:12,370 --> 00:06:15,059 You've got just The right amount of bitch 144 00:06:15,082 --> 00:06:17,548 To get the job done. 145 00:06:17,571 --> 00:06:20,549 - oh, I'm flattered That you chose me. 146 00:06:20,572 --> 00:06:23,006 I know we've Never been close, but... 147 00:06:23,029 --> 00:06:24,507 - this is not A sweet moment! 148 00:06:24,530 --> 00:06:27,657 Get your bony ass Out of bed! 149 00:06:31,074 --> 00:06:32,678 - wow! You're up early. 150 00:06:32,701 --> 00:06:34,817 - oh, lord, Wait till I tell you. 151 00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:38,774 What's that noise? 152 00:06:38,797 --> 00:06:41,584 - oh, I hope there's not An animal in the walls. 153 00:06:55,172 --> 00:06:56,779 Morning. 154 00:06:58,045 --> 00:07:00,415 - are you okay? - ugh. 155 00:07:00,438 --> 00:07:01,852 This suit seems To be just sucking 156 00:07:01,875 --> 00:07:03,575 All the moisture Out of me. 157 00:07:03,598 --> 00:07:05,384 Just so dry. 158 00:07:06,822 --> 00:07:08,714 So... 159 00:07:08,737 --> 00:07:09,831 What's all this? 160 00:07:09,854 --> 00:07:11,906 - oh, your Wedding assignments. 161 00:07:11,928 --> 00:07:13,470 For the last two days, Elka's done nothing 162 00:07:13,492 --> 00:07:15,226 But study magazines, And books, 163 00:07:15,249 --> 00:07:16,694 And watch cable shows... 164 00:07:16,716 --> 00:07:19,726 bridezillas, bride wars, Bridalplasty 165 00:07:19,749 --> 00:07:21,194 - bridalplasty? What's that? 166 00:07:21,217 --> 00:07:22,471 - it's this ridiculous show 167 00:07:22,494 --> 00:07:24,194 Where women get plastic surgery Before their weddings. 168 00:07:24,217 --> 00:07:27,355 - and? I am missing The twist. 169 00:07:27,378 --> 00:07:30,227 - last night, Elka woke me up at 3:00 a.M. 170 00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:32,430 To announce that I Was her wedding planner. 171 00:07:32,453 --> 00:07:35,206 And you wouldn't believe The mood swings. 172 00:07:35,230 --> 00:07:37,248 I'm afraid we've created A bit of a monster. 173 00:07:37,272 --> 00:07:39,547 - oh, well, now, you and elka Never see eye to eye. 174 00:07:39,570 --> 00:07:41,004 I'm sure she'll be fine. 175 00:07:52,114 --> 00:07:54,283 - I got a spray tan. 176 00:07:56,743 --> 00:07:58,347 - yes, we can see that. 177 00:07:58,370 --> 00:08:00,166 Why? 178 00:08:00,189 --> 00:08:01,954 - all the brides do it. 179 00:08:01,976 --> 00:08:05,136 What do you think? Now, be honest. 180 00:08:06,988 --> 00:08:09,678 - well... - you don't like it. 181 00:08:09,701 --> 00:08:12,040 My wedding's ruined! - no, no, no, no. 182 00:08:12,063 --> 00:08:14,082 We... We love it a lot. 183 00:08:14,105 --> 00:08:17,360 - you look very tropical. 184 00:08:20,138 --> 00:08:22,349 - oh, no! 185 00:08:22,372 --> 00:08:25,179 I look like A oompa-loompa! 186 00:08:27,735 --> 00:08:29,276 - elka! 187 00:08:29,299 --> 00:08:31,191 - don't you watch Bridal shows? 188 00:08:31,214 --> 00:08:34,511 That's how we all talk. 189 00:08:34,533 --> 00:08:36,394 - also, bride has requested 190 00:08:36,417 --> 00:08:38,405 That we do a choreographed Aisle walk. 191 00:08:38,428 --> 00:08:41,597 - I want it to go viral. 192 00:08:41,620 --> 00:08:42,873 - now, elka... 193 00:08:42,896 --> 00:08:46,373 - get... It... Done. 194 00:08:49,215 --> 00:08:51,586 - she's also become a fan Of turning everything 195 00:08:51,610 --> 00:08:53,662 Into a string Of one-word sentences. 196 00:08:53,684 --> 00:08:54,747 - all... 197 00:08:54,770 --> 00:08:56,790 Brides... 198 00:08:56,812 --> 00:08:58,267 Do it. 199 00:09:02,430 --> 00:09:04,918 - welcome to bridezelka. 200 00:09:13,346 --> 00:09:15,334 - crap. 201 00:09:15,357 --> 00:09:18,143 Crap. 202 00:09:18,166 --> 00:09:20,282 Crap. 203 00:09:20,304 --> 00:09:23,696 I need rosier roses. Write it down. 204 00:09:23,719 --> 00:09:24,718 - I'll remember. 205 00:09:24,742 --> 00:09:27,591 - write... It... Down. 206 00:09:32,977 --> 00:09:36,527 - hello, fred. - hi. 207 00:09:36,551 --> 00:09:37,804 - hi, groom. 208 00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:39,337 - hi, bride! 209 00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:40,539 - you're late. 210 00:09:41,626 --> 00:09:43,198 - I'm sorry. I was, uh, delayed, 211 00:09:43,222 --> 00:09:46,103 Answering questions About this. 212 00:09:46,126 --> 00:09:48,593 Do we have to wear this All the time? 213 00:09:48,616 --> 00:09:50,668 I didn't realize 214 00:09:50,690 --> 00:09:54,019 That doing the least Little thing for me 215 00:09:54,042 --> 00:09:56,733 Was such a chore. 216 00:09:56,756 --> 00:09:58,999 - please don't cry. I'm happy to wear it. 217 00:09:59,022 --> 00:10:01,158 - oh. 218 00:10:02,980 --> 00:10:05,031 - whoa! Whoa, What's all this? 219 00:10:05,054 --> 00:10:06,500 Whatever happened To "Simple"? 220 00:10:06,523 --> 00:10:08,159 - bride has decided 221 00:10:08,182 --> 00:10:10,521 She'd like something A little more elaborate. 222 00:10:10,544 --> 00:10:12,787 - mmm. This red velvet Is heaven! 223 00:10:12,810 --> 00:10:14,542 - yeah, if heaven Is three layers of crap 224 00:10:14,565 --> 00:10:17,574 With crap in between. 225 00:10:17,598 --> 00:10:19,490 - o-kay... 226 00:10:20,790 --> 00:10:23,256 - oh, it's melanie And victoria skyping us 227 00:10:23,279 --> 00:10:24,597 From the bridal shop. 228 00:10:24,620 --> 00:10:26,480 It's the annual running Of the dress. 229 00:10:26,503 --> 00:10:28,395 - what's that? - it's this huge sale 230 00:10:28,418 --> 00:10:29,832 Where hundreds Of brides compete 231 00:10:29,854 --> 00:10:32,225 To grab top designer Wedding gowns. 232 00:10:32,248 --> 00:10:34,077 The dress bride wants Is there. 233 00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:36,088 - I saw it In a bridal magazine. 234 00:10:36,111 --> 00:10:38,450 I wanna feel like A princess. 235 00:10:38,472 --> 00:10:42,280 - yes, but all that trouble Over one dress sounds... 236 00:10:42,302 --> 00:10:43,897 - sounds what? 237 00:10:45,016 --> 00:10:47,514 What does it sound like? 238 00:10:47,537 --> 00:10:50,451 Come on, open your cakehole And tell me. 239 00:10:50,474 --> 00:10:53,004 - nothing, princess. 240 00:10:53,027 --> 00:10:54,281 - oh, hi! 241 00:10:54,305 --> 00:10:56,005 Melanie and victoria, We can see you! 242 00:10:56,028 --> 00:10:57,941 - these women are crazy! 243 00:10:59,379 --> 00:11:00,889 - we got your dress! 244 00:11:00,912 --> 00:11:02,644 - ooh, it's perfect! 245 00:11:02,666 --> 00:11:04,336 Melanie, sweetie, Try it on. 246 00:11:04,359 --> 00:11:06,315 - but there's No dressing rooms! 247 00:11:06,337 --> 00:11:08,772 - try it on. 248 00:11:15,435 --> 00:11:17,762 May I help you? 249 00:11:22,871 --> 00:11:25,497 - in this second Counseling session, 250 00:11:25,520 --> 00:11:27,636 I usually answer Any additional questions 251 00:11:27,658 --> 00:11:29,295 That may've come up. 252 00:11:29,318 --> 00:11:31,115 But first I have a question. 253 00:11:31,138 --> 00:11:32,200 Who are you? 254 00:11:32,224 --> 00:11:35,775 - oh. Joy scroggs. 255 00:11:35,798 --> 00:11:37,690 I'm the bride's proxy. 256 00:11:37,714 --> 00:11:39,700 You see, none of The cake decorators 257 00:11:39,724 --> 00:11:41,488 In cleveland Met her standards, 258 00:11:41,511 --> 00:11:43,722 So she's spending The day in chicago. 259 00:11:43,745 --> 00:11:44,808 - mm. 260 00:11:44,831 --> 00:11:45,830 Is that a bruise? 261 00:11:45,852 --> 00:11:48,989 - ugh, it's just A rejected bouquet. 262 00:11:49,012 --> 00:11:50,234 - she threw it at you? 263 00:11:50,257 --> 00:11:51,893 - our official position 264 00:11:51,916 --> 00:11:55,596 Is that I failed To duck properly. 265 00:11:55,619 --> 00:11:57,735 - it's like I was saying On the phone, reverend. 266 00:11:57,758 --> 00:11:59,363 I don't know What's come over elka. 267 00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:01,118 She's lost her mind. 268 00:12:02,418 --> 00:12:03,449 - oh. 269 00:12:03,472 --> 00:12:05,108 It's a text from bride. 270 00:12:05,131 --> 00:12:08,460 "What is fred Saying about me?" 271 00:12:08,482 --> 00:12:10,854 - I know you said To go limp, reverend, 272 00:12:10,877 --> 00:12:12,226 But shouldn't I Be honest? 273 00:12:12,249 --> 00:12:15,897 - uh, that depends on How long you wanna be married. 274 00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:18,438 - tell her I worship The ground she walks on. 275 00:12:19,526 --> 00:12:21,163 - and add a compliment About her hair. 276 00:12:21,186 --> 00:12:22,600 - I can't see her hair. 277 00:12:22,623 --> 00:12:23,620 - oh, that don't matter. 278 00:12:23,643 --> 00:12:25,376 Women just like Somebody somewhere 279 00:12:25,399 --> 00:12:27,323 Saying something nice About their hair 280 00:12:27,345 --> 00:12:29,175 At all times. 281 00:12:29,197 --> 00:12:32,238 By the way, Yours looks lovely. 282 00:12:32,261 --> 00:12:34,345 - oh! Thank you So much. 283 00:12:36,602 --> 00:12:38,208 Hey! 284 00:12:38,231 --> 00:12:40,654 I wanna have sex With you! 285 00:12:41,677 --> 00:12:45,251 - wow! Elka told me You were a tramp! 286 00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:48,133 He's a minister! 287 00:12:48,156 --> 00:12:49,954 - fred, I wasn't Always a minister. 288 00:12:49,977 --> 00:12:52,826 Uh, I was a singer Before I got my calling. 289 00:12:52,849 --> 00:12:57,071 I wanna have sex with you Was a record I made. 290 00:12:57,095 --> 00:13:00,327 - ♪ ooh, baby, It's time to lock the door ♪ 291 00:13:00,349 --> 00:13:05,242 - ♪ you know I wanna see That clothing hit the floor ♪ 292 00:13:05,265 --> 00:13:07,764 Both: ♪ ooh-ooh, Ooh, ooh ♪ 293 00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:10,796 ♪ bah-bah, bah, Bah-bah, bah ♪ 294 00:13:10,819 --> 00:13:15,424 ♪ I wanna have sex With you ♪ 295 00:13:15,447 --> 00:13:17,179 Both: 296 00:13:17,202 --> 00:13:19,797 - my friend melanie Lost her virginity to you. 297 00:13:19,820 --> 00:13:21,424 - oh, yeah, I get that a lot. 298 00:13:24,161 --> 00:13:26,181 - how does your congregation Feel about that song? 299 00:13:26,203 --> 00:13:27,936 - well, I get Varied reactions. 300 00:13:27,959 --> 00:13:30,512 It's an issue. 301 00:13:33,034 --> 00:13:35,596 - oh. It's elka again. 302 00:13:35,619 --> 00:13:38,118 New wedding theme... 303 00:13:38,141 --> 00:13:40,384 Robin hood And maid marian. 304 00:13:40,407 --> 00:13:42,427 - I gotta wear tights now? 305 00:13:42,451 --> 00:13:45,459 - I'm sure you've got The legs to pull it off. 306 00:13:45,482 --> 00:13:47,534 - this is it. I can't take anymore. 307 00:13:47,557 --> 00:13:49,034 - reverend, Say something. 308 00:13:49,057 --> 00:13:50,120 - I... I don't know. 309 00:13:50,142 --> 00:13:52,791 I'm worried about Being friar tuck. 310 00:13:54,548 --> 00:13:56,599 - the wedding is off. 311 00:13:56,622 --> 00:13:58,865 - fred! 312 00:13:58,889 --> 00:14:01,450 What am I gonna do? Elka's gonna be furious! 313 00:14:01,473 --> 00:14:03,620 - well, I suggest you Turn the other cheek. 314 00:14:03,644 --> 00:14:05,844 That way the bruises Will match up. 315 00:14:10,378 --> 00:14:11,887 - I can't believe it! 316 00:14:11,910 --> 00:14:14,249 I delegate one thing, And you screw it up! 317 00:14:14,272 --> 00:14:15,398 Where's My hurling bouquet? 318 00:14:15,421 --> 00:14:19,133 - I'll get it. 319 00:14:19,156 --> 00:14:20,824 - wait, what... What's this? 320 00:14:20,847 --> 00:14:23,559 - it's fred's jacket. He dropped it off. 321 00:14:25,540 --> 00:14:28,773 Oh, fred. 322 00:14:28,795 --> 00:14:33,688 I ruined everything! 323 00:14:33,712 --> 00:14:35,635 - oh, elka. Elka, This never would've happened 324 00:14:35,659 --> 00:14:37,997 If we hadn't talked you Into having a big wedding. 325 00:14:38,020 --> 00:14:41,221 - no. I blew it! 326 00:14:41,243 --> 00:14:43,539 There's no fool Like an old fool! 327 00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:55,349 This is so sad. 328 00:14:59,310 --> 00:15:02,957 Do you think The wedding's really off? 329 00:15:02,979 --> 00:15:04,393 - no. 330 00:15:04,416 --> 00:15:05,830 no, it is not off. 331 00:15:05,853 --> 00:15:07,586 I have put up With too much abuse, 332 00:15:07,608 --> 00:15:10,138 And foul language, And bouquet grenades 333 00:15:10,162 --> 00:15:11,416 To give up now. 334 00:15:11,438 --> 00:15:13,043 The problem is, 335 00:15:13,066 --> 00:15:15,022 Fred is only seeing The labor pains. 336 00:15:15,045 --> 00:15:17,693 We are gonna show him The baby. 337 00:15:23,408 --> 00:15:25,204 Ladies and gentlemen, 338 00:15:25,227 --> 00:15:28,396 We give you Your wedding party! 339 00:15:31,611 --> 00:15:34,417 ♪ ♪ 340 00:15:47,729 --> 00:15:50,483 - that was Very impressive, but... 341 00:15:50,506 --> 00:15:52,654 - wait, wait, wait. Before you say anything more, 342 00:15:52,676 --> 00:15:54,155 The reason We showed you this 343 00:15:54,177 --> 00:15:55,717 Was so that you could see What a spectacular day 344 00:15:55,740 --> 00:15:57,187 Elka was trying To put together for you. 345 00:15:57,210 --> 00:15:59,133 - I mean, look How much fun it's gonna be. 346 00:15:59,156 --> 00:16:00,984 The aisle walk, That's just the beginning. 347 00:16:02,316 --> 00:16:04,751 - I don't wanna ruin The moment here or anything, 348 00:16:04,774 --> 00:16:07,049 But are you About to explode? 349 00:16:07,072 --> 00:16:10,241 Oh... 350 00:16:10,263 --> 00:16:14,071 It's the sweat From all the dancing. 351 00:16:14,093 --> 00:16:16,305 But I might need somebody To cut me out of this 352 00:16:16,328 --> 00:16:18,188 When we're done. 353 00:16:18,211 --> 00:16:20,167 - elka was just acting The way she was 354 00:16:20,190 --> 00:16:21,316 Because she wants Your special day 355 00:16:21,339 --> 00:16:22,594 To be perfect. 356 00:16:22,617 --> 00:16:24,923 - that's not the reason! 357 00:16:24,946 --> 00:16:27,222 - who said that? 358 00:16:27,245 --> 00:16:29,679 - I did. 359 00:16:29,702 --> 00:16:30,860 - elka? 360 00:16:30,883 --> 00:16:33,350 - elka, we didn't know You were here. 361 00:16:33,373 --> 00:16:35,999 - so, elka, What is the reason? 362 00:16:36,022 --> 00:16:37,755 - the first time I got married, 363 00:16:37,778 --> 00:16:39,830 I was 19. 364 00:16:39,853 --> 00:16:42,988 At that age, I didn't even need a bouquet. 365 00:16:43,011 --> 00:16:44,522 I was the flower. 366 00:16:44,545 --> 00:16:46,372 Well, elka... 367 00:16:46,395 --> 00:16:49,948 Go limp. 368 00:16:49,970 --> 00:16:53,011 - then I started reading All those bridal magazines. 369 00:16:53,034 --> 00:16:55,597 Which was totally our fault. 370 00:16:55,621 --> 00:16:59,906 They were all so young, As brides are supposed to be. 371 00:16:59,929 --> 00:17:02,427 As I was. 372 00:17:02,450 --> 00:17:04,501 I didn't want you Looking down the aisle 373 00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,162 And being disappointed. 374 00:17:06,185 --> 00:17:07,949 - oh, elka! 375 00:17:07,971 --> 00:17:11,205 - oh, I thought all the hoopla Would distract you. 376 00:17:11,228 --> 00:17:12,705 I was scared. 377 00:17:12,728 --> 00:17:13,918 I am scared. 378 00:17:13,941 --> 00:17:16,313 - but that's just... 379 00:17:16,336 --> 00:17:18,833 I have a feeling the next words I say are very important, 380 00:17:18,856 --> 00:17:20,110 And I don't wanna Mess it up. 381 00:17:20,133 --> 00:17:22,758 Can I have A little help, please? 382 00:17:22,782 --> 00:17:24,675 - look, elka, 383 00:17:24,697 --> 00:17:27,548 You know, I marry Young people all the time, 384 00:17:27,570 --> 00:17:29,686 But I worry about them. 385 00:17:29,709 --> 00:17:32,972 I even try to slow down On certain vows... 386 00:17:32,995 --> 00:17:34,761 "For better or for worse," 387 00:17:34,783 --> 00:17:36,262 "Forsaking all others," 388 00:17:36,284 --> 00:17:38,526 "In sickness and in health"... 389 00:17:38,549 --> 00:17:41,750 Just hoping they Really hear the words. 390 00:17:41,773 --> 00:17:43,283 But how can they? 391 00:17:43,306 --> 00:17:45,135 They're living In a dream world. 392 00:17:45,157 --> 00:17:48,708 They're young, and pretty, And nothing hurts yet. 393 00:17:48,731 --> 00:17:51,582 But you two, I don't worry. 394 00:17:51,605 --> 00:17:54,295 Most people your age Are alone. 395 00:17:54,318 --> 00:17:57,806 Oh, they have kids, And grandkids, and friends, 396 00:17:57,829 --> 00:17:59,529 But they don't have That special someone 397 00:17:59,552 --> 00:18:00,997 To hold in their arms. 398 00:18:01,021 --> 00:18:05,626 So, elka, when young fred here Looks down the aisle, 399 00:18:05,649 --> 00:18:08,657 Will he see his beautiful, Radiant bride, 400 00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:10,956 Ready to have and to hold? 401 00:18:10,979 --> 00:18:13,786 Oh, yes! 402 00:18:17,682 --> 00:18:20,212 - uh, hey, What about me? 403 00:18:20,235 --> 00:18:22,084 Both: in a minute. 404 00:18:29,843 --> 00:18:31,768 - ♪ now the whole world's Asleep ♪ 405 00:18:31,791 --> 00:18:36,427 ♪ but we're Still making plans ♪ 406 00:18:36,450 --> 00:18:37,767 Women: ♪ 'cause once Is not enough ♪ 407 00:18:37,791 --> 00:18:41,119 ♪ when a woman loves a man ♪ 408 00:18:41,142 --> 00:18:43,704 All: ♪ ooh-ooh, ooh ♪ 409 00:18:43,727 --> 00:18:46,992 ♪ bah-bah bah, Bah-bah bah ♪ 410 00:18:47,015 --> 00:18:51,705 ♪ I wanna have sex With you ♪ 411 00:18:55,378 --> 00:18:56,664 - so what do you think? 412 00:18:56,687 --> 00:18:58,834 - we can sing it At your reception! 413 00:18:58,857 --> 00:19:02,313 - um, I think we'll Probably stick with sinatra. 414 00:19:02,336 --> 00:19:04,579 - well, I have Other songs I can... 415 00:19:04,602 --> 00:19:06,196 - go limp.